idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
