theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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