your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
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