I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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