I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
