and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Randomize
