i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
