It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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