3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
