I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
