I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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