Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
