gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
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