Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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