I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
