eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
