Your dad touched me again.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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