Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
