He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize