Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
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