five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
