so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Randomize
