no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
