Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
