Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
