I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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