Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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