so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize