lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Randomize
