Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize