I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
