Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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