Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
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