hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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