Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
