I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize