I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
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