after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
