Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
