I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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