If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
