like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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