They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
