doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
