what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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