i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'm determined to sit on that face.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
