i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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