someone threw a dead crab at me
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
