Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
