and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
