Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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