Betty ford says i'm here all night
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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